Sometimes things happen that throw you off guard. They pull the rug from beneath you and leave you dazed & confused. Life has a funny way of telling you not to get too comfortable and also reminding you that there is a future plan which isn't always what you expect. A very close friend of mine (who I know will be reading this) is in that daze (stars and cartoon birds flying round the head and everything). Its a weird place to be in and sometimes your legs don't want to stand up and catch your breath, choosing to stay low, crawl into a ball and want the world to stop. Life isn't like that. These stepping stones in life aren't there because we've done something bad or because you're not meant to be happy - they're there to kick you in the backside and wake up to the fact that things can be better and to prove what an exceptional person you are and to demonstrate your ability to show your strength.

I know the past few weeks have been awful and really draining on your emotions. I can't begin to imagine what its like but as I've always said, 'things happen for a reason and fate will come through in the end'. A lot of the loose strings have been tied and the situation has been finalised now, so now its a case of moving on and making the most of what you have and working towards the future. Whether you make this move now or spend the next few months pondering the shoulda-woulda-coulda's, worrying what others think of you and looking for someone to blame as well as hurting on yourself, you will at some point realise that nothing can change the past. All the tears, going over things in your mind, wasting energy on the negative people will amount to nothing but making the gap between your stepping stones get larger until you have nowhere to go but the deep dark water. You are an amazing woman with so much going for you. No-one can take that away from you and the sooner you realise that and allow people to share your light, the better. Me and your other friends are here for you 100% and will carry you to the next stepping stone but when we're balancing on our own stones you will need to be able to stand on your own and take that leap (If you fall in, just make sure you're wearing a white top and waterproof mascara!)
Seriously, nothing you or I say or do can change anything that has happened in your life. Its great to talk about your hurt/anger/frustration and get it off your chest but you have to turn that experience into a learning tool and use it to improve your future. Concentrate on the future and working on bringing that sexy smile back and them sparkling eyes where they belong. You just never know what or who is around the corner and you need to get yourself ready. Strap yourself in, its a bumpy ride but its always more fun if we can share it with screams & giggles xx

I try my hardest to be a positive person. Years ago I'd be interested in other peoples gossip and be the one that whinges about work etc.. but over the past couple of years I think I might actually be gaining maturity. I got a phone call this morning to advise that the Freeholder of the Bar I was due to view has taken it off the market. I am gutted as I had so many plans for it but something in me tells me that things happen for a reason. There is a chance they might change their mind and I might even find somewhere else (although looking through the property guide there is little to choose from and what is there is more than 3 times the price). I'm still smiling though.

Just a quick update on my last post, I went out Friday and had a great night. Went to 3 places I would normally avoid like the plague but had so much fun and bumped into people that I've not seen for years. Soo I'm going to stay open minded about future visits now

I've managed to book a few days off work this week so am looking forward to chilling out and having a few lie-ins this week. Been talking to someone I met a few weeks ago - totally out of my league but he's been making the moves so I'm going to play it by ear. I'm going through a phase at the moment where I really want to be in a relationship. I'm never normally like this and the last time this happened (around 7 years ago!), I ended up starting a relationship with someone that was TOTALLY not my type, I didn't really want to be with and I ended up ending it within weeks. Baby-steps Mikey, Baby steps!

ROAR. I'm sitting here trying to decide whether to stay in or go out. Going out involves going to Jumpin Jaks and I didn't really like the last few time I went (which was a few years ago). But I'm reallllly in the mood to go out. Hmmm we'll see what happens...

Been a weird week this week. My head has been all over the place lately. I'm not really the type of person that falls for people easily but I've spent the past few weeks watching 2 different people that wouldn't normally catch my eye. I know neither are interested but something in me just doesn't want to accept that! I'm sure someone will come along and replace them...I just need to position myself so that they find me...soon! Thats it. I'm going out. Its decided!

Its also been a brilliant week in terms of development. I'm looking into opening my own bar (well, joint partnership with a friend) and have been dealing with the council and other people this week and things are all coming together. Bit scary but if things carry on the way they're going, the bar could be open within a few months! How exciting!! Its going to be a proper cheesefest - who doesn't like cheesey music eh? OK so its a self indulgent affair. I love it.

Oh and I got my Favourite aftershave through FINALLY! Its really difficult to get but I've found a supplier in the States so have ordered 4 100ml bottles! Its my sexy aftershave that every asks what I'm wearing when I wear... *pours all over myself before going out tonight*

Reunion next weekend......ooooooooooo its gonna be weird!

Have a great weekend everyone xx

So I've agreed to do the race for life in March. AND I was sober when I agreed - whats that all about? The little jogs that we're currently doing will have to slowly get bigger if I don't want to make a complete fool out of myself on the day! I don't think they'll be impressed with a puffed out wheezing mess just over the start line!

I'm now on day 6 of my detox and I have to say that I'm really enjoying it. I feel sooo much better for it and I can really feel a difference already. I had tried not to weigh myself too often but after 5 days I have lost 7lbs which is impressive (even if I do say so myself). Lets hope it carries on this way! I am going to be honest and admit that I will be drinking tonight but I'm going to stick to vodka as its not as bad as wine or lager (do my excuses make me sound even more alcohol dependant?!). I am a bit worried at what state I might end up in tonight though - I'm guessing the drastic change in diet may have affected my alcohol tolerance so expect to see me dancing on tables by 10.30pm! At least I'm a happy drunk

OK so I admit it, I will never make a good ticket tout. Earlier this year I thought I'd be clever and buy some Spice Girl tickets to sell on. I bought 3 different pairs for different dates/venues. How was I to know that everyone and their brother had the same idea as me? The first 2 pairs sold for under face value - I'm not that surprised as they weren't the best seats (but still weren't too bad) and I've just parted with the final pair which earned me a profit of £60 (which just about makes up for the loss from the others). Not only that but I am now thinking I should have gone. The last pair of tickets were soooo close to the front I could have smelt Mel C's sweaty tattoos. Ah well, I'm sure it'll be on the TV soon...

On the bright side, I'm on day 3 of the detox (otherwise known as the "National Heart Hospital Diet") and its going really well. I'm feeling really good and I'm loving the foods I'm having. It helps that there are a few of us at work doing it and egging each other on. We've also gone past Wednesdays working day, which means its nearly the weekend... toot toot!

I got reminded today that its nearly Valentines day. That immediately put a huge smile to my face (cough). I didn't have much success from the "Find Mike A Man For Xmas" group that was set up by Hannah on facebook, although I'm hoping the group can be recycled for Xmas 2008 Luckily its a friends birthday on Valentines Day and we're out celebrating that. I'm quite worried as the current fancy dress idea's for the evening are either Amy Winehouse or Spice Girls! I really don't think the world is ready for me in tight leopard print or blood stained ballet shoes...... arghhhh

So I managed to get a great big shop in today. Felt so good about myself loading the conveyor belt up with tons of fruit & veg (acting as if it was a regular shop for me) in preparation for my detox diet starting tomorrow. I think my body is screaming for it after this weekend. 2 nights in a row where I've ended up drinking til 8am but its been so funny and at least I can say I had fun when I'm back in the office with the Monday blues.

Oh and Lu & Laura FINALLY got it on together on Friday! Not before time! All we need to do now is find a nice spikey haired guy for Luan. Criteria is a bit strict on this one as he has to have dark spikey hair, under 30 and look a bit gay... not that she's picky or anything!

Priorities over the next couple of weeks - Diet (which goes without saying!), huge clean-up operation (seriously have too much stuff in my apartment) and to get back into the studio. I have a brilliant idea for a new track which has to be done and I've got a good feeling about it. As well as the *work in progress* track, "Flick" which I need to pull my finger out with and get out there. Its gonna be a busy month ahead.....

77 days…. I’m screeching towards the Big 3-0 and apparently I’m expected to be sad about it or suddenly start “forgetting” birthdays. I can’t wait! I wouldn’t want to be 21 again (gah, what a crap year that was). I’ve just got a good feeling about this year. Yes, I may still be single, generous in the mid-riff and have a questionable binge-drinking situation (its not a problem, just a situation), but I have a feeling my life is going to change for the better this year. Me & Lu (my flatmate and old schoolmate) made a NY resolution to “phase out” people that were negative or didn’t make us feel good about ourselves this year. I’ve been quite fortunate in not coming across anyone like that so far (although I’m not the best for keeping in touch with people unless they put themselves in my face). I’m also working on getting fit and this time I just know its going to work – failure is not an option! (I love my little catchphrases. Oh and using brackets a lot as you can see).

I’ve also got the small issue of a School Reunion in 3 weeks time. I just have visions of “Romy & Michelle’s High School Reunion” every time I think about it, although I don’t think the day-glo outfits and the “Time After Time” dance routine will do much for my reputation. Although I do seem to know the chemical formula for Post-It Note glue

So all in all, things are OK at the moment. I’ll touch on other bits as I go along, but for now its Friday….I’m wondering if the weekend is ready for me?

Oh and yay me for making through the whole first blog without comparing myself to Bridget Jones! That deserves a congratulatory drink…